If you have been following the TV news coverage of Twisha Sharma death case, you would realise that her parents are clearly blaming themselves for not being able to save her. And this is happening despite the fact that Twisha had found her own husband digitally on a “dating app” and hers was a “love marriage”. Do you see any contradictions here?
Typically, in an “arranged marriage” situation, where the daughter has limited decision making rights and parents make decisions to shortlist her match, if the groom turns out not-good later, the daughter gets right to blame her parents for “ruining her life”. But how about “love marriage”? In case of Twisha, thanks to her parents, she was educated, financially independent, and empowered enough to make her own life choices. She found her husband-to-be by herself and dated him for several months before introducing him to her family as her match. There was about 6 months gap between engagement and wedding, which was again the period during which she could have seen any red-flags and backed out. But we can guess that she was confident about her man and hence went through the marriage. And soon after the marriage, everything falls apart. Post marriage, she relocates to her in-laws house in Bhopal, loses her work-from-home job, gets pregnant, her some conflicts with her husband, and now she felt “trapped”. Her independence was gone, her previous lifestyle was gone, her husband started behaving coldly, and perhaps she thought that once the baby was born, she would not have got chance to get out of the marriage, hence she did an abortion. Everything she did, she did on her own and her parents were merely spectators or support groups. But the question is, if she was herself responsible for everything she did, did she have right to blame her parents?
From what we see from the chats shared in media, Twisha clearly blamed her parents for sending her back to her in-laws house (which any family would have done). There was clearly no physical threat at in-laws house in Bhopal, as not a single message she sent to her mother pointed at any threat. She was seen asking her mother to “come and take me back tomorrow”. In the chats, her parents never committed at bringing her back permanently, and although they did make a ticket booking but Twisha did not know. And then suddenly, her death happens. Since her death, her parents have been blaming themselves as if it was all their fault. How is this fair?
Does this mean that if parents choose a person’s life-partner in an “arranged marriage” scenario, they would be blamed if marriage turns bad later; and even if the person chose his or her own life-partner and did “love marriage”, the parents would still be blamed if the marriage turns bad? There is clearly no logic in all this.
But relationships run on emotions and not logic. It does not really matter who caused the bad things to a person, or whether the person brought self-inflicted pain, his/her parents would “always” blame themselves for not being able to save their child. That is the sacred thread of parent-child relationship which has remained pure no matter how commercialised and materialistic our modern world has become. Hence, being a parent is clearly always a “losing game”. This is why it is the biggest responsibility one can ever have.
It is time young men and women need to understand their world and their parents correctly.
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